As you know, Lobster and I have started the process of seeking pre-approval for a home loan. This is both exciting and uber-scary all at the same time. Especially after last night when Lobster had a mini-freak out after talking with his dad about trying to buy a house. I think the gist of what Lobster is freaking out about is whether we should try to buy a home when we still have a lot of debt to pay off. Lobster is not so sure. I, on the other hand, have no fear. But am I wrong?

Here's the deal: I have a lot of debt. I have eight years of student loan debt looming over my educated head. I can't help this and I do not regret it. My parents, as much as they wanted to, simply were not in a position to send me or my sister to school. If I wanted an education, I had to get it myself. Loans were my only option. On top of that, I have a few credit cards that have balances that need to be paid off. I will not lie; some of the debt on my credit cards are from stupid and unnecessary purchases. But the majority of credit card debt is from having to rely on those cards during college, law school, and the first few years of practicing when I had no other means of living because I just wasn't being paid enough. This I cannot help. This I will not apologize for. If there had been another way, I would have taken it. There simply wasn't.

In sum, my net worth is non-existent. Yes, I hate the fact that I have more debt than God, but there is not much I can do about it but diligently pay it off, which I have been doing and will continue to do. But the fact that I have debt should not preclude me from buying a house if (1) we can get a loan with a good interest rate, (2) we can find a good deal on the price and quality of the house, and (3) the monthly payments for owning said house would be around the same amount we pay each month in rent.

Am I wrong to think this way? Surely, it's better to own and build equity in a home than to throw away money on renting for the next billion years (which is how long it will take me to pay off my debt, by the way) if the total monthly cost is approximately the same, is it not?

Somebody help me out here. Am I being silly? Selfish? Too optimistic? Completely absurd?

Oh my. Life sure is funny.

So, we all know that I lost my job, interviewed, got and offer, accepted, and started a new job in less than a week, right? Well, that is going well, but it has been a whirlwind. I am working in my favorite city in the world and I love it, but the drive is brutal. I've been praying a lot lately that God would help Lobster find a job close to Fort Worth so that everyone's commute would be more tolerable. I honestly didn't think that would happen, but I prayed it anyway.

Earlier this week, Lobster went on an interview with a company that he didn't believe he'd enjoy working for. But he went anyway. It turns out that the more he and the interviewer talked, the more Lobster realized that he would, in fact, enjoy working there. Moreover, he felt that the job itself was almost made for him. By the end of the interview, the company offered him a job at a pretty good salary. Lobster was excited, but one thing held him back: the salary was good, but not what he was hoping for. In his mind, he had been working too long and had the education and experience that warranted a bit more than what they were offering. He tells them that he needs until the end of the week to think it through and they agree. Lobster then goes to a local book store to think and walk around for a bit. A couple of hours have passed since the interview and he gets a phone call. It's from the girl in HR at the company who interviewed him. She said that she had gone over his resume again and realized that he had more experience and education than they had realized and she said they would like to offer him more money! It was exactly the amount that Lobster wanted, too! He was floored. I was floored. Oh, and it's located in...Fort Worth.

Of course, being the professional that he is, he very calmly thanked her and told her he'd talk it over with me and get back to her. Of course, being the supportive fiancee that I am, I told him to do whatever would make him happy. He took the job. He started today.

WE ARE ALL EMPLOYED!!! Praise God!

You think the story stops there, don't you? Seriously? Do you know me at all?

So, as soon as he decided to take the job, I very cunningly brought up the fact that our lease was going to end in two months and now that we're employed maybe we should start looking into buying a house because if we do it now we can still take advantage of the first time home buyer tax credit. I fully expected Lobster to have an accident in his pants and then throw a lamp at me hollering something about me being crazy and stressing him out. Luckily for me, he just thought for a minute and said, "Okay." Stunned, I asked, "Well, since we're both going to be working in Fort Worth, maybe we should look there." He paused, thought. And said, "Okay." Whaaaa?


WE ARE EMPLOYED AND HOUSE-HUNTING!!! IN FORT WORTH!!! HOLY CRAP!!!

I just took this Color Career Counselor test because I'm bored waiting on my next project. This is the most freaky accurate test! Seriously, you have to take it. This is what it said about me:

Best Occupational Category

You're a CREATOR
Keywords

Nonconforming, Impulsive, Expressive, Romantic, Intuitive, Sensitive, and Emotional

These original types place a high value on aesthetic qualities and have a great need for self-expression. They enjoy working independently, being creative, using their imagination, and constantly learning something new. Fields of interest are art, drama, music, and writing or places where they can express, assemble, or implement creative ideas.

CREATOR OCCUPATIONS

Suggested careers are Advertising Executive, Architect, Web Designer, Creative Director, Public Relations, Fine or Commercial Artist, Interior Decorator, Lawyer, Librarian, Musician, Reporter, Art Teacher, Broadcaster, Technical Writer, English Teacher, Architect, Photographer, Medical Illustrator, Corporate Trainer, Author, Editor, Landscape Architect, Exhibit Builder, and Package Designer.

CREATOR WORKPLACES

Consider workplaces where you can create and improve beauty and aesthetic qualities. Unstructured, flexible organizations that allow self-expression work best with your free-spirited nature.

Suggested Creator workplaces are advertising, public relations, and interior decorating firms; artistic studios, theaters and concert halls; institutions that teach crafts, universities, music, and dance schools. Other workplaces to consider are art institutes, museums, libraries, and galleries.

2nd Best Occupational Category
You're a PERSUADER
Keywords:

Witty, Competitive, Sociable, Talkative, Ambitious, Argumentative, and Aggressive

These enterprising types sell, persuade, and lead others. Positions of leadership, power, and status are usually their ultimate goal. Persuasive people like to take financial and interpersonal risks and to participate in competitive activities. They enjoy working with others inside organizations to accomplish goals and achieve economic success.

Um, hello??? Did you notice that it listed lawyer, author, photographer, teacher, and editor in there? Anyone else notice that those are all the things I LOVE to do or want to be or spend my free time doing? How weird is that?! Also, take note of my "2nd Best Occupational Category." I am a PERSUADER, and evidently that means I am "competitive, argumentative, and agressive." Not sweet, shy, little old me (she says falsly batting her eyelashes and putting on her most innocent, shy smile). Unfortunately, my mother would tell you that's all true. Lobster would add "stubborn as a bull." He may or may not be right. Harumph!

Take the color quiz. Tell me if it's as accurate for you as it is for me. Fun!

Okay, I wasn't really on vacation. I was laid off. But I was kinda digging it. No work. All play. Sleeping until 9:00 and going to spin class whenever I wanted. Man, that was the life. Why can't somebody pay me to stay home and hang out all day?

Anyhoo, so I started my new job on Wednesday. I actually received a job offer early last week but asked for some time to explore more options. Turns out those options never panned out, so by Tuesday I was getting a little nervous about losing the job offer if I took too long. Besides, when I interviewed with the guy (let's call him The Cowboy) I felt a sense of peace and I also sensed that he was a good man. This is not usual. I generally do not like or trust anyone. Yes, I am a curmudgeon, what of it? Even Lobster was surprised when I got home from my interview and told him that I liked The Cowboy. So, I took it as a good sign and then by Tuesday afternoon I knew this was where God was leading me. I'm not one to argue with the Big Guy (well, not for long anyway. . . I am a lawyer. . . I'd argue with a tree), so I called The Cowboy and told him I'd love to join the team. And he said, "Great! See you tomorrow at 8:00 a.m!"

GAH! The Cowboy stole my vacation. Good thing he's paying me.

Especially because the drive from where I live to downtown Fort Worth SUCKS. Big time. Like crazy. Don't get me wrong; I absolutely ADORE downtown Fort Worth and I'm thrilled I finally have a chance to work there. But it's an hour's drive one way (with traffic). Needless to say, I, the girl with very low tolerance for idiot drivers, is not a happy camper on the road for that long. Idiots abound. So, I am hopeful that after the first few months I will be able to work from home (or the most comfy local coffee shop) for a majority of the work week. Or, if I'm very lucky and the planets align just right, maybe Lobster will also get a job based out of Fort Worth and we can move there. I already have some good friends house shopping for me. Just in case...

So, what is it that I am doing that would allow this type of freedom, you ask? I am a Landman. Very ladylike title, no? I'm not too fond of being called a "Landman," or any kind of man for that matter, but whatever. What it means is that I basically trace the "genealogy" of mineral interests so that oil and gas companies can secure leases with clear mineral title, thereby drilling wells and extracting natural gas and oil. For someone who has traced her own family genealogy back to the 1700s, this type of work suits me just fine. I enjoy research and I enjoy putting puzzles together. Of course, I am not writing...at all. But, frankly, I am okay with that because I felt that legal writing was sucking all my creativity out of me. Now I will be able to concentrate on creative writing when I have time to write instead of always using my talents for analytical, legal (read: boring) briefs. Now if I could only figure out what to do with the stories in my head and the neglected and abandoned fractions of stories already on paper. I need a muse, I suppose.


In other news, my good friend V over at *uncorked has honored me with her very own Grab Your Glass Award. V is one of my very best friends from law school who moved back to Chicago after we graduated. I miss her greatly and can't wait to see her again. I hope I can come visit her in Chicago very soon so we can share a bottle of wine and go shopping! Mmmmm...shopping...

Thanks, V! Love you lots!

Being unemployed has its benefits. I have been working out like crazy, trying every new class at the YMCA. Last Saturday (before I was unemployed) I tried spinning for the first time. It kicked my ass. But I liked it. So yesterday I decided to take the mid-morning class and it nearly killed me. Seriously. My bum is so bruised I can hardly sit down.

And yet...I'm going to go back on Saturday. I can't get enough apparently. It's a huge calorie burner (score!) and a new activity to spice up my workout (double score!). Tomorrow I'm going to try Pilates Plus. I'm sure my abs will thank me later.

In other news, I had an interview today that seemed to go well. They offered me a position but I asked for a little time to weigh some other options that are in the works. It's not my dream job, that's for sure, but it will pay me what I need and allow me some freedom and time that I didn't have working for a firm. For now, that's about as good as it can get until I figure out what the heck I want to do with my life. If only that best-selling novel idea would pop into my head already.

Thanks to you all for all your support. I know it will all be okay and I'm making the best of the time I have off. I'm confident there won't be a lot of it left!

Yesterday morning started out like any other Monday. I groggily stumbled out of bed and into the shower. Sleepily got ready for the day. Hungrily ate my normal breakfast, bundled up and headed to work. Upon arriving, I started my computer and put my lunchbox away, hung my coat, opened Outlook. Then my boss called to me to come see him when I got a minute.

This was not unusual. I had run out of projects at the end of last week so I figured he was going to rattle off a few more for me to get started on. I grabbed my little notebook and a pencil and headed in to see him.

"I have bad news." He started. "We had to make a really tough decision and we've decided to let you go. . ."

At this point, my mind went numb and I couldn't hear anything else he said. All I gathered was that they couldn't afford to keep me. They were sorry. They really liked me. Good luck.

I said, "Oh" for the hundredth time as my boss pointed to a stack of file boxes that I could use to pack up my stuff. "Okay," I said and I got up and went to my office...my soon to be former office.

I don't know how long I sat in front of my computer screen as my mind absorbed what had just happened. I was shocked, to say the least. A little baffled. A bit confused. Kinda sad. But, surprisingly, a little relieved.

An interesting reaction to have just after one has been "let go," perhaps, but I was a little relieved. Lately I had been contemplating my career. After practicing law for nearly three years, I had come to the tough realization that I had no love for it. It was not my passion. It did not make me happy. Coming to this determination was a big "ah-ha" moment, but also a huge crisis all at the same time. I had spent three years of my life and an exorbitant amount of (borrowed) money obtaining my J.D. Realizing that I did not love practicing the law made me feel guilty and silly and ashamed. How could I give up on the law after all of that?

I am not the only one who feels this way, however. I am finding many young lawyers who also gave the law a shot and it came up lacking. I have heard numerous stories of attorneys who decided that they couldn't stand another year of billable hours and life-sucking work for something that they were not passionate about. I identified with these stories. It made me feel less ashamed to know that I was not the only one.

The past few months I had been playing with the idea of changing the course of my career. I had no idea what I wanted to do, but I knew that I was not happy with the practice of law. I spent some time perusing the job sites and my alma mater's job bank, looking for things that sparked my interest but never with the intention of applying. I was also praying for God to change my heart about my career or to move me onto a new path. In all things, I want to honor God's will for me. His perfect purpose for my life and my work. So if He wanted me to stay where I was, then I asked that He would change my heart. But if he had a new path for me to explore, I asked for His guidance and that He would show me the way.

Yesterday, He answered my prayer. Of course, not in the way I was expecting, but it was answered nonetheless. I have been called to move. I don't yet know where or in what direction. Yes, I am scared and concerned about money, especially because Lobster has yet to find a job himself. But I also have a sense of peace that everything will be taken care of. So I rest in that peace and start my search for a new path.

Here's to new beginnings. Wish me luck!

It's a snow day! I have never seen this much snow fall for this long in Texas. This morning I called into work and told them I'd be working from home just to be on the safe side. Which is mostly true. I am working...but I took a little time this morning to practice taking pictures with my new camera. I am trying to learn how to be a better photographer and I have come to understand that this stuff is HARD. I have to learn terms like "aperture" and "shutter speed" and "ISO." What the wha?

So here are some pics I took of the winter wonderland outside this morning. They're not stunning, but hey, I'm learning.